Our Own Secrets
by HuntingTheStars
Summary: Morgan finds out Reid's been hiding his newly acquainted boyfriend from the world and it stirs up some strange feelings towards the younger agent that Morgan didn't know existed. As the time goes on and Morgan's feelings become more pronounced, how long can he sit back and watch Reid have his happily ever after without him? Slash, Self Discovery, and a dash of Unrequited Love.
1. When Reid Is Outed

**Hey :) So trying out a little fic here, I've been reading _so_ much Derek/Spencer slash lately and I decided to give it a go and we'll see how it goes I guess!**

**I swear, I'm _still_ having withdrawal symptoms to not having Emily around any more, so, in this chapter at least, Blake's personality is kind of Blake and Emily combined. Sorry to the Alex lovers! But I also wasn't sure how to portray her effectively, so I'm claiming my share of poetic licence on this one guys!**

**Obviously slash, don't like, don't read. Disclaimer, don't own anything, blah blah, you all know the drill.**

**Reviews would be awesome, cause I'll keep going if you guys want me to :)**

_**Side Note: English isn't my first language, so if there are grammatical errors (or just plain typos) it would be awesome if you let me know throughout the story. But I am trying my best to correct as many as I can!**_

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><p><em>Ding.<em>

Morgan refused, _refused_, to look up from his paperwork to see what he knew was happening. What had been happening for a few weeks now and it was driving him mad.

_Ding._

Morgan ground his teeth and he heard Blake snickering quietly at Morgan, knowing how much this was infuriating him.

_Ding._

_That's it._ Morgan thought to himself. He looked up and stared hard at Reid, who was completely oblivious to Morgan's glare, his concentration fixed on his phone as he quickly typed a message. A few seconds later, he got one sent back.

_Ding._

"Okay that's enough!" Morgan stood up and basically shouted at the young agent who stared up at Morgan in shock, like a deer caught in the headlights. "_Please,_ for the love of God, Reid; can you wait to message your little girlfriend when I'm _not _here trying to do paperwork?" Morgan begged aggressively. "It's pretty damn annoying to hear your stupid phone go off every five minutes." Reid said nothing, but nodded quickly and hastily turned his phone off and slipped it in his pocket. He looked down at his almost finished pile of reports to complete and chewed his lip, something Morgan noticed that Reid only did when he felt nervous or was thinking hard about something.

No one really spoke until it was time to leave, all working to try and finish as much as they could so they had their weekend free.

"Well, I'm going to go." Reid announced. He smiled at Blake and glanced at Morgan. "I'll see you both on Monday, unless a case pops up."

"Bye Reid, have a good weekend." Blake replied politely and Reid nodded and left. Blake turned to Morgan and raised her eyebrows when she was sure Reid was out of hearing range. "Well." She began, staring pointedly at Morgan, waiting for him to look at her.

"What? It was annoying as hell. Sorry I'm not a genius here like Boy Wonder, I need a little more quite to finish my reports." Morgan snapped angrily.

"Woah! Looks like somebody's in a bad mood." Blake remarked under her breath and Morgan snorted. "And since when do _you_ work in silence? Come on, what's really going on." Blake had a way of phrasing things that was only gently persuasive, slowly prodding Morgan to reveal the secret behind his sudden temper.

"It's just, why does he have to text her all the time?" Morgan finally said after a minute of silence, pushing himself away from his desk. "We went out the other night for drinks and I swear, every time I turned around he was texting her." Morgan growled, making his jealous feelings obvious. Blake laughed quietly.

"What makes you say it's a girl he's texting?" She teased, but Morgan just rolled his eyes.

"Please, the day Reid comes out as anything but straight, I'll come to work in my boxes." Blake raised an eyebrow.

"Do you want to make a bet on that?" She asked. "I'm sure Garcia would be thrilled." When Morgan didn't respond she sighed and turned back to the last report on her desk. "Why don't you just ask him who he's texting?" She asked like it was the most obvious thing. _And it is._ Morgan thought to himself. _It would just be a lot simpler if you shoved your jealousy aside and just _asked_ who Reid was messaging._

But even though Morgan knows this, his stubbornness persevered and instead he just huffed and turned back to his table, wanted to finish this report before the weekend was over.

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><p>"Hey, Baby Girl." Morgan called when he saw Garcia the following Monday. The team had managed to get through the weekend before a serial killer demanded their attention, so Morgan had to wait till Monday before he could talk to Garcia.<p>

"Gorgeous, how was your weekend?" She sang as she walked to her office.

"It was good, quiet, but we all needed a little quiet I think." Garcia hummed in agreement. "So, I need a favour." Morgan began.

"Anything for you my Chocolate God of Thunder." Garcia purred and Morgan tried to suppress his smile but failed.

"I need you to find out who Reid's been texting lately." Morgan decided the best way to approach this was to just cut to the chase.

"Derek!" Garcia gasped in shock as she pulled him into her office and closed the door. "Who Reid wants to text is his business, and I will not go behind my friend's back, _search _through his phone history and give you a life story of who he is texting, that's just rude and a betrayal of trust and I would never, ever, do something sneaky like that." Morgan stared deep into Garcia's eyes. She had a far too innocent expression on her face for her to truly believe what she is preaching.

"You already know, don't you?"

"Maybe." Garcia responded. Morgan pointed his finger at her.

"You have to tell me! How come Reid told you and didn't tell me! I'm his best friend!" Morgan cried in outrage and Garcia ran to him, shushing him as she went.

"Be quiet! Reid doesn't know that I know…" Garcia whispered, looking around her office as if Reid was just going to jump up from behind one of her computers. Morgan opened his mouth to cry in outrage before Garcia promptly shoved her hand over his mouth. "You need to shut up, okay?" She hissed. Morgan raised an interested eyebrow at the tone of her voice, but remained silent. When Garcia was sure he wasn't going to blab, she removed her hand. "This is definitely something I am _not_ meant to know…or JJ." She added in afterthought. Morgan widened his eyes but from a look from Garcia kept his voice to a shocked whisper.

"JJ knows?"

"Well she was there when I snooped in Reid's phone." She said matter-of-factly. Morgan shook his head wildly.

"YOU WENT THROU-!" But after a glare from Garcia, lowered his voice dramatically. "You went through his phone!?" He hissed. "When? And where?" Morgan paused for a moment. "And _how_?"

"Remember last week when Jayj and I dragged Reid to the club?"

"Yes…" Morgan said slowly.

"Well when Reid went to the bathroom, he forgot his phone. And it made that stupid dinging sound it does when he gets a message; and I mean, _Derek_, he had been on the thing _all damn night_! We couldn't have a proper conversation with him! So…curiosity got the better of us." She finished. Morgan shook his head.

"I can't believe you talked JJ into snooping through Reid's phone." He said, shocked.

"Actually…it was her idea." Garcia said slowly, and continued at the outraged look on Morgan's face and she pointed her index finger at him. "And hey! You came in here wanting me to go through Reid's messages and to find out who is was so you just shush!" Morgan closed his mouth and scowled.

They were silent for a little while, and Morgan watched as Garcia got herself settled into her chair and start up her computers.

"Will you-"

"No." Garcia cut him off before he even got his question out. She turned in her chair and looked at him with the most serious expression she had worn throughout this conversation. "I wasn't joking when I said this wasn't something Jayj and I are meant to know. Like, we're talking _mega-private_." Garcia made hand gestured to emphasise her point. Morgan rolled his eyes in frustration.

"Come _on_ Baby Girl! Just a name? What's so secret about this girl he's talking to anyway? Who is she, Jennifer Lawrence?" Garcia made a face at him that Morgan couldn't decipher, but made no comment. "Baby Girl? Garcia?" No reply. "Really? You're giving me the silent treatment?" Morgan said in disbelief.

"Sorry my sweet, but you're gonna have to get your answers elsewhere; because these lips are sealed." And Garcia made the motion of zipping her lips and chucking the key. Morgan groaned, but retreated from her office.

He may have lost this battle, but there was still one person who knew who Reid was messaging…

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><p>"No."<p>

"No? Come on JJ just tell me! What's the harm? I can keep a secret!" Morgan was past being polite and sweet; he was very close to falling to his knees and begging.

"Morgan, I can't! I'm guessing you went to Garcia first? She must have told you 'no' as well. We made a deal that we wouldn't say, and if, by chance, Reid does decide to tell us who he is talking to, we will both act genuinely surprised about it and nobody will be any wiser." It sounded like JJ had this speech all sorted out, like she knew Morgan was going to come and try get it out of her at some point. JJ looked out her door, as if checking that nobody was within hearing range of what she was about to say. "But, I suggest, you be a little more open minded about who it might be that Reid is talking to." Morgan must have had a confused expression, because JJ just smiled sweetly and pushed him out of her office. "Lots to do, so little time. Talk you later Morgan!" And she shut the door.

_Well._ Morgan thought as he walked to his desk, disappointed and not the least bit informed about Reid's new girlfriend. _That wasn't successful in the slightest._

The day dragged on slowly, the team hadn't been called in for anything, so it was just more paperwork. Apparently, Morgan had been delaying completing these reports for longer than he realised. He worked studiously, which was strange in itself because if you could count of anything, it would be that Morgan was doing something to delay the inevitable paperwork, whether it be grabbing a coffee, sneaking a few files into Reid's pile, or just flat out distracting others. But today, he worked through the whole day, only getting up to get his third round of coffee when JJ invited him to lunch with Rossi, Blake, Garcia and Reid.

They all went to a little coffee lunch down the road; kind of a hole in the wall really, but it was good. The team usually all went here together, but Hotch stayed back to finish up as much as he could so he could get home as early as he could. Everyone ordered their usual drinks and lunches, and were eating pleasantly, talking and laughed in-between bites of food.

Morgan had been waiting for it all through lunch. In fact, he had been waiting for it all morning, since he stepped into the bullpen and saw Reid sitting at his desk already, talking animatedly to Blake. And sure enough, it happened.

_Ding._

"That's it!" Morgan pounced on Reid who was sitting next to him, and snatched the phone out of Reid's hand before Reid even knew what was happening. It all seemed to happen in slow motion after that.

First thing Morgan noticed was Reid's eyes. Confused hazel orbs quickly morphed into round, horrified ones as he reached pathetically for his phone but Morgan held it out of his reach. His cry of "NO!" surely had the eyes of all the occupants the café trained at their table, but Morgan didn't notice it. Instead, he unlocked Reid's phone and looked at who he was messaging.

Reflecting back on it, Morgan thought he could have handled the situation with a little more grace; starting with him not attacking his best friend and, for lack of better term, publicly humiliating him in front of most of the team.

His brows furrowed as he read the contact's name. That didn't make sense, maybe somebody else had texted Reid. But as his eyes involuntarily looked at the previous messages, the most recent ones saying '_I love you_', and '_I can't wait for tonight ;)' _which confirmed it. This was the person Reid had been messaging, but Morgan just couldn't process it.

"Reid?" Morgan asked in a puzzled voice. "Who's 'James'?"


	2. When They Talk

**Hello! I am so glad that the people who read the first chapter seemed to enjoy it! I quite liked typing it out so it's nice to know other appreciate it also :)**

**This chapter is more just a build up, and as things move on Morgan's jealousy will become more of a prominent factor in the story and that's when all the fun starts to happen ;) But for know, if you can manage through these more boring chapters, you will be rewarded!**

**Thank you to the lovely reviews, and I hope you continue to enjoy this story! Xx**

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><p>"Reid?"<p>

"Give that back!" Reid hissed, standing up and snatching his phone from Morgan's hand. Everybody on the table was silent, not sure where or who to look at. Rossi was glancing between Morgan and Reid, trying to decipher what was going to happen next, Garcia couldn't seem to bring herself to look at anyone, she just stared at her plate with her lips pressed together, Blake seemed like she couldn't believe what just happened, and JJ was glaring so fiercely at Morgan that he feared the blonde was going to set him on fire.

"I…I didn't…" Morgan tried to form a coherent sentence, but saying what, he didn't know. So many emotions were running through him that he didn't know where to start. He knew he ought to apologise, or say _something_ he just wasn't sure where to begin. He looked over to Reid who was turning his phone off, his face a burning red and he looked like he was about to burst into tears. Morgan's stomach fell through the floor as he looked at his best friend in such a state of emotional disarray, and he felt a wave of guilt hit him straight in the gut.

Chucking a 20 onto the table, Reid mumbled something that Morgan didn't catch and hastily left the table. Perhaps to get back to the office, Morgan didn't know. He didn't think he knew anything about Reid any more. His whole world just got turned upside down.

Reid walked to the door and exited the café and JJ stood up and glared at Morgan, an emotion Morgan could only identify as outrage and disbelief rolled into one in her eyes.

"I can't believe you just did that. I can't believe you." She growled at her co-worked before storming out, Morgan assumed to catch up to Reid.

The silence was deafening. Morgan looked between Rossi, Blake and Garcia as if they could help him sort out how he was feeling. _It shouldn't be such a big deal_. Morgan thought angrily to himself. _So why am I making it one?_

In the end, the remaining four decided to head back to work. The walk back was quiet. Morgan knew Garcia was itching to say something, but surprisingly she kept her mouth shut; obviously waiting for a little more privacy to tear Morgan to shreds.

First thing Morgan noticed when they arrived back was that Reid wasn't at his desk. Reid wasn't anywhere to be seen. But after a quick scan he spotted Reid and JJ standing in Hotch's office; Hotch standing in front of his desk with concern itched into his forehead, JJ talking to Hotch, and Reid with his head down, occasionally massaging his brow and frowning at what Morgan could only assume was something JJ had said.

After what seemed like forever, the three finally exited the office. Morgan stood up quickly from his desk chair. He had been thinking about what he wanted to say while they were talking, and he just wanted to see the kid and let him know that he didn't care and how sorry he was for doing what he did. But before he even opened his mouth, Hotch interrupted.

"I think it's best for everyone to go home. It's been a long day, and we'll pick it up in the morning. Morgan, can I see you in my office?" Morgan glanced at Reid, who refused to meet his eyes, and nodded at his boss. As he walked past JJ he could practically feel her glare on him, but he didn't look back. To be honest, he was more afraid of Hotch's scarily blank eyes staring at him that JJ hate-filled ones.

Hotch closed the door behind Morgan and Morgan looked out the window to see JJ and Garcia giving Reid hugs, and what seemed like words of encouragement. Reid gave them a sad smile and looked up to Hotch's office.

For a split second, their eyes met. Morgan tried to communicate through the glass and distance how sorry he was, but Reid just looked away and nodded at something Blake just said.

Morgan can't remember a time since coming to the Bureau that he hated himself so much.

"Take a seat, Morgan, this shouldn't take long."

"I'll stand."

Hotch looked at Morgan for a moment before sighing and rubbing his temple, something he did when a particular case or family matter was bothering him.

"Morgan-" Hotch began.

"Look I didn't mean for that to happen." Morgan gestured to the bullpen where Reid and the others were starting to leave. "_Trust me_, Hotch, if I had known that Reid was hiding something like that, I would never have embarrassed him the way that I did. He's my friend, one of my best at that. I didn't…I never wanted…"

"I know." Hotch said, placing a hand on Morgan's shoulder. "But that doesn't change the fact that it did happen. Reid feels ashamed and alone but most of all, he feels betrayed. He is confused about this situation just as much as you are. He was unfairly outed when he wasn't ready, and had a personal relationship exposed when he didn't want it to be. Not to mention he fears his closest co-worker doesn't accept any of it." Hotch raised his eyebrows at Morgan, who couldn't keep eye contact. "Morgan, I fear the dynamics of this team have now been disrupted. Reid has lost trust in you, and for the moment, it doesn't seem you'll be getting it back. Not only is this a personal turmoil you're going to back to deal with, but it could put the team at risk in the field."

Morgan exhaled a breath he didn't remember holding and sunk onto Hotch's couch and held his head in his hands.

"What have I done?" Morgan murmured under his breath. It wasn't a question he was expecting an answer to, but Hotch supplied one anyway.

"It doesn't matter what you've done. You can't change it. However, the only thing you can do now is to figure out a way to make it up to Reid." Morgan nodded, but didn't look up.

"Hotch I've messed up. I've really done it now. He's never going to forgive me." Morgan finally looked up to Hotch. "I've betrayed his trust. And that kid only has so much of it to go around."

"Then you have to find out a way to earn it back. Otherwise, the whole structure of this team is in jeopardy."

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><p>Drowning the last of his third beer in an hour, Morgan unlocked his phone and stared at Reid's contact information. Since he got home, he's been debating whether to call the kid or just let him have his space. But being something less than sober, his lowered judgements won out.<p>

"Hello?"

"Reid?"

"Morgan."

"Listen Reid, I really have to talk to you."

"No need, really. I understand completely how you must feel."

"No, I really don't think that you do. I seriously need to talk to you, see you face to face."

"Morgan, I…hold on a sec…_I'm just on the phone. To Morgan, yeah. Well he called me I wasn't going to ignore it. I know what you think…look hold on, okay? Let me just talk to him._ Sorry I'm back. Morgan, do you really want to see me? I know you're probably disgusted and that's fine, I won't make things difficult for you at work, we don't even have to communicate anymore. I can transfer that's fine."

"Reid, what? Are you crazy? There is no need for that. I wanted to apologise."

"I know you must hate me and…what?"

"Apology. I owe you one. A big one. And a couple of drinks. Please?" Reid sighed on the other side of the phone. Morgan could just picture him biting his lip in that way that Morgan can't ignore. "Stop chewing your lip, kid, it's going to come off."

"You can't actually chew a lip off Morgan; well I can't with the pressure I'm putting on it. And how did you even know?"

"Because I know you that well. Because you're my best friend. And because I care about you and I pick up on these types of things. Please, Reid, let me see you."

The silence on the other side seemed to go on forever. Morgan thought he could hear Reid talking to somebody but the microphone was too far away to pick up any specifics of the conversation.

"I'll come to your apartment; I don't want you driving anywhere." Reid finally said with an edge of exhaustion in his tone.

"What, why not?" Morgan asked confusingly.

"Because, just as you apparently know me so well, I know that you've had at least two beers by now which gave you the courage to finally call. And because I care about you I don't want you to misjudge something on the road and wrap your car around a telegraph pole." Morgan snorted, but smiled.

"Yeah, sure thing Pretty Boy. I'll see you soon. And Reid?" Morgan added before the conversation ended.

"Yes?" Morgan could hear Reid picking up the car keys and opening the door.

"Thank you. For giving me the chance to explain everything. Seriously." Reid was quiet for a moment; Morgan couldn't even hear the keys jingling.

"Yeah, well don't waste your chance. I'll see you soon." And he hung up.

Morgan exhaled and leaned into the cushions of the couch and rubbed his eyes. He had a feeling this was going to be a long evening.

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><p>"Hey, I'm glad you came." Morgan opened the door wider so Reid could step over the threshold into Morgan's apartment. It was a nice place, not necessarily large, but very open and during the day the light filtered in through the wall-sized window on the left, illuminating the modern, but cosy apartment. Reid had only been over a handful of times, but felt welcome enough to take a seat on the couch without Morgan offering.<p>

Offering drinks, Morgan left to go to the kitchen to get a glass of water for Reid and for himself. Finally, when there was nothing left to do, Morgan sat down on the single couch, the small coffee table dividing the two men.

"So who were you talking to?" Morgan asked after a moment of silence. At Reid's questioning look, he added, "on the phone, you were talking to somebody. Who was it?"

"Oh, um, that was James." Reid looked at his glass of water. "I told him what happened today and he came over after work as soon as he could to keep me company." Morgan's mind quickly thought what kind of company this 'James' person was going to keep, but stopped when a flash of anger washed through him. Shaking his head, Morgan spoke.

"About today…Reid, I am so sorry. Seriously, if I had known…" Morgan trailed off. He tried to look into Reid's eyes but the younger agent didn't meet them. "I never meant to embarrass you in front of everybody like that. I didn't mean to out you when you clearly weren't ready. It's all I've been thinking about, and how I feel like I betrayed your trust as your friend." Reid looked up and stared at Morgan with a curious expression. He'd never heard the soft tone that Morgan's voice had just taken before; as if he were apologising to his child or a lover. "I…I don't know, I was just so mad. I thought you had this new girlfriend you were keeping from the team. From me." Rubbing his face, Morgan took a breath and continued. "I thought that you didn't trust me to talk about her, or meet her. I would never have guessed any of this, honest."

Reid was holding his glad in his hand, his fingers tracing over the condensation that started to form on the outside of the glass, thinking over his words before he spoke.

"Morgan, there's no need for you to apologise for that." His voice was quiet, vulnerable, and he didn't look Morgan in the eyes. "I'm not sure why, but I just thought you were going to be disgusted with me, refuse to talk to me if I came out. And it wasn't something I was going to tell others and not you, so I didn't tell anyone. And for years it's been fine like that, none of you suspected anything. But recently things started to get more serious with James, and I guess that's what blew my cover." Reid shrugged as if what had happened today didn't bother him. "If I'm going to be perfectly honest with you, Morgan, I wasn't worried about what JJ, Garcia, Blake, Rossi or Hotch thought about me being with a man. Sure, their opinions mattered to me in the sense that I'd be hurt if they didn't accept me, but the only person I was truly nervous about coming out to, was you." Reid met Morgan's eyes and they maintained a silence for a couple of seconds before Reid continued. "You are the only person, apart from my mother, whose opinion I truly value and take to heart. And that is what was holding me back. I never wanted you to find out this way. It wasn't part of the plan."

Morgan couldn't help the small smile that crossed his face.

"So…you're not mad at me?" Morgan asked hesitantly. "You don't hate me, I haven't broken your trust?"

"What? No." Reid's confused expression almost made Morgan laugh. "If anything, I thought you were feeling those things about me. That's why I left, that's why I couldn't meet your eye afterwards. I don't think I could take you rejecting me like that. It would tear me apart." Without even thinking of his actions, Morgan stepped up and sat beside Reid and pulled him into an unexpected hug. Reid stiffened automatically, but after a second or two relaxed into the embrace. Morgan noted idly how nice it felt to have him relaxed in his arms, knowing that their friendship remained intact, if not stronger than before.

_There are no secrets between us now._ Morgan thought as he closed his eyes, still hugging Reid. _Nothing could possibly tear our friendship apart now._

As the hug ended, Morgan felt a brief coldness brush through him at the loss of Reid's body heat, but smiled at the younger agent. Looking at his phone, Reid frowned at the time.

"I should probably get back; James is waiting for me at home." Reid stood up and smiled at Morgan.

"Why is he waiting?" Morgan asked, standing also to walk Reid out.

"Well, it's late, so I told him he could stay the night." Reid said nonchalantly. Morgan's eyes widened with surprise as he walked behind Reid to the door.

"He's staying the night? That's a big step Pretty Boy." Morgan teased, but he felt an undertone of…something…playing in his gut at the thought of James staying the night with Reid. Probably the beer getting to him. Reid rolled his eyes at Morgan's comment but smiled and patted Morgan's shoulder.

"Please, we made that step months ago." Reid seemed to bite back a laugh at Morgan's shocked expression. "I'll see you tomorrow, Morgan. Have a good night."

"Um, you too. See you at work." Morgan replied in a daze. When the door shut and Reid was on his way home, Morgan sat back on the couch and thought about what Reid just said.

_He's already stayed the night?_ Morgan's brow furrowed at the thought. Something about that thought unsettled him. He didn't like that at all. Not one bit.


	3. When They Finally Meet Him

**Thank you all so much for reading or just checking out this story :) It's time to have some fun with Derek and Spencer, I think, don't you? I'm not too sure yet how long this fic will go, but I have a general idea of where it's heading.**

**Reviews would be lovely, it makes me feel delighted when I see that somebody is enjoying what I wrote :)**

**This is a relatively short chapter (in comparison to my previous two) but I didn't wish to carry it on further, I think I left it at a good spot. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it :) x**

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><p>"How much longer?" Garcia whined in a child-like voice, looking over her shoulder to the door of the club that the team decided to go to tonight. It had been a long week, but finally the unsub had been caught, and was going away for a long time. Relieved, everyone, including Hotch – which surprised a few people – decided to head out and get a couple well deserved drinks.<p>

It had been Garcia's _ingenious_ idea to beg Reid to invite James so the team could meet him.

It had been a little less than a month since Reid's accidental coming out and slowly, after some serious prompting from Alex, JJ and Garcia, Reid's confidence in discussing James grew, until finally he no longer blushed when he or someone else mentioned the name.

"He'll be here soon, any minute now, just be patient." Reid rolled his eyes but smiled at the appeared eagerness of not only Garcia, but from the team to meet his boyfriend. Derek had been uncharacteristically quiet as he drank and observed the team, adding comments when required. He knew Alex had been keeping an eye on him lately, he'd caught her staring at him a few times during conversations about Reid and James, and whenever he met her eyes she didn't look away, but instead narrowed her eyes as if she was trying to understand something about her fellow agent. Suddenly, Reid's face burst into a sun-shining smile that the team had never seen before. Derek was stunned, blinded by the brightness that Reid's smile just emitted into his internal ramblings. Everyone's eyes turned to the door and sure enough someone had just walked in, a smile matching the happiness Reid's bore straight at the youngest agent.

Standing up, Reid walked over to greet James. He was…Morgan's eyes scoped the man. Mid thirties, and he appeared very fit. His hair was cropped short at the sides, but grew slightly longer at the top, and was dark brown in colour. His skin, porcelain and glowing under the club lights, created such a contrast with the dark hair and eyebrows that is gave the man an almost eerie vibe. The vibe, however, was stamped out by his bright, fun-filled green-blue eyes. His cheekbones were defined, and his angular jaw line and light stubble all together gave him an appearance which was bad boy mixed with gentle lover. His muscles were sculpted, but not excessive. He didn't seem to feel the need to wear the tightest fitting shirt he owned to show them off, but felt happy wearing a smart casual checked shirt that he rolled the sleeves up to just above his elbows. He was just taller than Reid, but well built. He looked like someone who could take care of the young agent who seemed to be getting himself in all sorts of accidents. And judging by the way Reid smiled up at him…well…

Derek internally shook his head and looked at the others responses to feeling James for the first time. JJ, Garcia and Alex seemed to be salivating in the man's appearance, Rossi looked impressed and Hotch looked like a father would meeting his daughter's boyfriend for the first time.

But Reid seemed oblivious to all these people and their silent judgements on his boyfriend as he stretched the tiniest bit so his lips could meet James's in a soft, but loving peck, obviously being mindful to the fact that they were not alone.

Derek studied Reid, and how utterly comfortable he seemed to be around James. How his smile seemed effortless, and how he naturally moulded his body to fit James's side, and Derek felt a prang of longing in his gut as he watched to the lovers and he took a sip of his beer to hide it.

_Reid seems…really happy_.

Derek couldn't be able to tell you why that thought brought such a powerful wave of dislike towards James, even if he understood it and wanted to.

Feeling the heat of someone's gaze upon him, Derek's eyes flickered to meet Alex's steady ones. He saw something in her eyes in that split second when they made contact, but before he could recognise it, her eyes flittered away to look at Reid and James again.

She never does that.

Blake always kept eye-contact until Derek's eyes were the first to drop.

"You guys are adorable!" Garcia's voice brought him out of his thoughts and back into the present. James and Reid were seated next to each other, not doing anything overly affectionate, just sitting close and holding hands under the table. But it was enough to make Derek's blood boil.

Blushing at Garcia's comment, Reid looked down to his lap and James smiled affectionately at him.

"Thank you, you must be Garcia, am I correct?" Garcia nodded and her smile grew.

"Yep, and that's-"

"Agents Hotchner, Rossi, Blake, JJ and Morgan." James met eye-contact with the owner of each name as he spoke it, going in the order that the group was seated on the round table.

"Well! So Reid's been talking about us?" JJ asked amused, her smile grew when Reid's blush reddened.

"Oh, all the time!" James smiled. "If it's not about the cases you all tackle, it's just about you all generally. I feel like I know you all personally already." James laughed and it sounded like fucking magical sleighbells, Derek noted with an internal sigh. _Where did this guy come from? Did the Gods sculpt him out of perfection or something? _Derek asked himself bitterly.

"Well, we know nothing about you, so how about you tell us a little about yourself?" Hotch's voice had the definite father figure, over protective, 'if you hurt my child I will see to it that you will cease to exist' tone to it, and he didn't even seem to try and hide it, which just brought JJ and Garcia into silent laughs at the slightly shocked expression on James's face. Derek, on the other hand, was silently cheering his superior for making the Greek God visibly uncomfortable. Go Hotch.

"Well," James began, recovering from the slight hostility. "I'm a neurosurgeon. Born and raised in Australia. Our family owned a little farm we went to every so often. Used to be every other weekend when I was younger. Unfortunately, I grew up and my parents divorced and in the end they sold the property and split the profit in the final settlements. I was devastated, naturally. Majority of my fondest childhood memories were born at that farm, but I'd rather have those memories than nothing at all." James smiled a crooked smile which seemed to turn Reid into jelly and the girls almost sigh. _So, he's Australian?_ Morgan mused. _Guess that makes sense, he does have a bit of an accent._ "I have a sister, two and a half years younger than me, Jessica. Ever since I can remember we've been fighting and picking on each other, but I love her more than the world and would do anything for her. She was actually the first person I told when I was gay, and then again when Spencer and I first met." James smiled and looked down at Reid. "She was so happy for me. For us."

The two lovebirds seemed to be lost in their own little world for a bit, just staring into each other's eyes, communicating silently. The females on the table smiled fondly, seeing how obviously happy Reid was with James, but Derek just felt bitter when he looked at them. He took another drink of his beer. His displeased eyes caught the attention of Rossi who raised his eyebrows subtly at the darker agent. Derek rolled his eyes at Rossi, but continued to stare glumly at Reid.

He knew he should feel happy for his best friend. He finally seemed to find everything he wanted in a person. Firstly, he was a doctor, so clearly on a similar brainwave to Reid and could actually understand some of the stuff that spurted from the young doctor's mouth; and he was obviously attractive and sweet and seemed to be good natured, kind and having Reid's best interests at heart. In fact, Derek got no negative vibes from James. No little red flag was waving or alarm ringing in his ears. James seemed to be the perfect guy.

So why couldn't he just be happy for Reid?

His question was answered when, after a little pleading from Garcia, the two shared a sweet, soft, and loving kiss. Morgan watched at Reid's lips pressed gently against James's. His chest burned up dramatically and his guts twisted and jolted most unpleasantly. He felt a heat rise up his neck and his hand twitched in the slightest. He watched as Reid's expression relaxed completely, and how he let his body adjust slightly to James's height and build. He was almost glaring when Reid and James pulled apart, love so clearly etched into their faces that a blind man could see it. Then when Reid's eyelids fluttered as James softly stroked Reid's check with the back of his finger, it made Derek want to rip the two apart and replace James's body with his own.

This sudden thought greatly shocked Derek and he back tracked. He knew this feeling, he had read about it in books, seen it acted in the movies, heard about it from friends, and yet he had never experienced it before in his life. Not like he was feeling it right now, anyway.

He was jealous.

But it was such a mind blowing jealousy that Derek wasn't sure what to do with it. He felt the emotions bubbling up inside of him, anger and annoyance mixing in to it also, making Morgan feel out of control and, honestly, a little frightened as he wasn't sure what he would do if he stayed and watched them for a second longer.

"Sorry, bathroom." Derek muttered as he stood abruptly. His voice sounded terrible and full of spite even in his own ears, but he couldn't think about that now. The only thing he could actually process at that moment was that if he didn't leave and calm down immediately, he was going to say, or worse; _do_ something he was going to regret.

As he stood up and left to head to the bathrooms at the back of the club, the image playing over and over in his mind as the club music thumped in his ear drums was Reid's shocked and hurt expression as he watched Derek stand up and turn his back away from him.

It was an image which tore his insides up even further.


	4. When He Stays The Night

**New chapter, yay! The ball is starting to roll now, so things are getting more interesting to write as I go along!**

**Thank you so much to the people who have reviewed, I feel so lovely to see that you are enjoying my writing, so I hope that feeling continues though this chapter!**

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><p>"What the hell is wrong with you?" Morgan jumped as the sharp, cutting tones of a <em>very <em>angry Penelope Garcia echoed through the club bathroom. She had stormed in here, apparently not caring that she was in the male's bathroom, and completely disregarding the poor 20 year old by the urinal who just stared at Garcia's fiery expression in shock. "Who do you think you are, pulling something like that? _God_ Derek, can you just get over yourself! Can't you see that Reid is finally starting to open up about a part of him which he has kept secret for so long, because he was afraid of people like _you _judging him for it?"

"I…what?" Derek shook him head in confusion. "Judging him? You think I'm _judging him_?" Derek cried in outrage. "I have no reason to! I just…" He trailed off, turning away from Garcia to look at his reflection in the mirror. "I don't know what came over me." He finished quietly.

There was silence in the bathroom, it sounded like nobody was even breathing. The guy by the urinal zipped up his pants as quickly as he could and made his way to the sink and washed his hands. He tried to leave the bathroom, but the exit was blocked by Garcia's body, which didn't look like was moving anytime soon.

"Derek, honey, you need you pull yourself together. Spence looks like his favourite puppy just got run over in front of his eyes. He's heart broken." Garcia's voice was significantly softer and calmer than when she first stormed in, screaming at Derek. "What's the big deal, anyway? It is because Reid's gay?" Garcia's question caused something to snap in Derek and he turned to stare at her fiercely.

"What, do you think I'm so shallow? That I'd judge Spence because of who he decides to get in bed with in his own time? No, it is not because he's gay. It's…it's…" Derek stuttered over his words for a moment. "_It's because of James_!" His voice echoed though the bathroom, and Derek could hear it ringing in his ears long after he had spoken those words. It felt strange saying it aloud. Not relief exactly, but it just felt good to let it out. "I _hate _him. I _despise_ him. Why is he here, anyway? Cuddling up to Reid. Like, leave that for the bedroom, thanks. I don't really want to see any of that. So what, Reid is a great guy, and I'm sure he is a good kisser and he's awesome to hug, whatever, but just…don't do it in front of me." Derek huffed. Once he got started, he wasn't sure if he could stop his list of complaints he had for James. "And the fact that Reid talks about him _all the time_! What's so great about this guy anyway? He seems a little up himself to me. His stupid straight nose. What's so great about that nose anyway? Well something about it attracted Reid because he gave it a little kiss before. Dammit. I just hate the guy. I hate James. He isn't good for Spencer and he's just going to use him for his…for his…" Derek trailed off, not sure how to finish his sentence. He didn't meet Garcia's eyes, so he didn't see the light of realisation twinkling in them.

"Sounds like you're jealous of the guy."

Derek and Garcia spun around to look at the 20 year old who was still in the bathroom. He lifted his hands in defence at the piercing look from Derek.

"Hey, I tried to leave, but your friend here is blocking the exit. And you're not exactly talking quietly man." Garcia muttered an apology and stepped aside to let the guy through. Then it was just the two of them in the bathroom.

"I think he's right, honey." Garcia said softly. She walked towards where Derek was standing and gave him a hug.

"I'm not _jealous _of James, okay? I just…I don't like him, that's all." Garcia nodded, but clearly didn't believe a word he was saying.

"So you're telling me, that you are happy to walk outside, right now, and congratulate _both _Reid and James on their relationship?" Garcia asked with her eyebrows raised. When Derek didn't respond, she muttered, "I didn't think so."

"Look, I don't _like_ Reid okay. Well, I mean, I like him, he's a good agent and an even better friend. But I don't _like_, like him, y'know?" Morgan sighed as he failed to form a coherent sentence and looked back up to Garcia's steady gaze. "I just…I just need to make sure he is happy with this James guy, and that he isn't shifty."

"Of course." She replied evenly. "Even so, I think you should go home. We need emergency damage control and I just don't think you should be around Reid and James right now." Derek nodded, feeling like he just didn't possess the energy to answer her anymore. "Come on, you go outside, I'll tell the other's you're feeling sick and I'll drive you home. I think you've had a little too much to drink anyway."

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><p>The car ride home was a tension-filled quietness. It was rather late, so Derek didn't think Garcia would be making her way back to the club after she dropped him off. He felt a prang of guilt wash through him at the thought of the events which transpired in the club, with Reid's hurt expression playing over and over in his mind like a broken record.<p>

Opening the door to his apartment, Derek just fell onto his couch, his face muffled by the couch cushions and he wished he could melt into them, never to see the light of day again. He felt mortified by his behaviour. As the alcohol began to wear off, it was replaced by a mild headache and a shit-load of guilt.

"Do you need me to stay the night?" Garcia asked him softly. Derek moaned but shook his head into the pillows. Heaving himself off the couch, he looked at Garcia for the first time since they left the club.

"No, I'll be okay. I'm so sorry Baby Girl for what I did back there. I don't know what came over me." Garcia walked over and sat beside Derek and pulled him into a hug.

"I think you do sweetums. It's okay, well, no not really; you need to sort a lot of your business out before you see Spence on Monday. He's hurting Derek, and pretty bad. You mean the world to him and he thinks that you just can't accept him for who he is." She pulled away from the hug and stared Derek deeply into his eyes. "I don't want to be solving your problems for you, but seeing as I don't think you even know what you're feeling, I'm going to go see Spencer tomorrow at his apartment. I'll explain that you're just trying to wrap your head around a few personal issues and it's affecting your behaviour. I'm sure he'll understand. But Derek, you need to talk to him yourself. But before you do that, you need to sort out your emotions, because you're really hurting Spencer. I think you know that, but I wanted to say it just in case." She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and stood up. "You can always call me whenever you need to." It was the last thing she said before she left his apartment.

Suddenly, Derek was all alone.

It was a crippling feeling, because he knew he had brought this all upon himself. If he had just kept his cool, he could be out drinking with the team, but he had to be Jackass of the Year and completely mess his friendship with Spence up.

Sighing, Derek went to the bathroom, washed his face and teeth, and collapsed onto his bed, fully clothed, and fell into an uneasy sleep.

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><p>He awoke to an insisting tapping on wood; a knocking which rang louder and louder with every second that went by. It took him about half a minute to realise it was coming from his front door. Derek looked out the window and it was pitch black. Unlocking his phone, he was momentarily blinded by the light and he cursed. Adjusting to the brightness, he read the time, <em>4:47am<em>.

"I swear to God if you don't open this door, I'll…I'll…I'll shoot the lock and break in! Morgan! Open this door! Are you even listening to me? I'm not leaving, you know. I demand an explanation for tonight. Morgan? Morgan? _Derek!_"

Derek unlocked and flung open his front door to meet the frazzled sight of Spencer, still in the clothes he wore at the club, his eyes rimmed with red and his cheeks flushed a light pink.

"Spencer?" Derek questioned, confused. He couldn't imagine why in the world Spencer would want to see him, perhaps this was all just a dream.

"Yes, of course it's me." Spencer huffed irritably. Now let me in. We have to talk. Now." Pushing past him, Derek was shocked at the forcefulness which presented itself in Spencer. Spencer sat on the couch and looked up at Derek. "Sit." He pointed to the seat next to him. Walking slowly towards Spencer with caution, Derek sat where he was told; still not entirely convinced he wasn't dreaming. "Now, what the hell happened tonight. Because I just spent all evening and night, tossing and turning in my bed, thinking over everything I said, everything I did, and everything James said and did which could have possibly offended you. I just don't understand, and I don't like not understanding. I was under the impression that you were perfectly fine with my sexuality, has that changed? Are you disgusted by me now having seen me with another man? Because, _Derek_, I'm pretty sick of your behaviour."

Derek stared at Spencer for a moment, he was a little shocked at the forwardness of Spencer's little speech. He wasn't entirely sure how to respond. He knew what he wanted to say, that it wasn't anything Spencer had done, it was just how he loathed James with every fibre in his body, but he didn't think Spencer would appreciate that too much.

"Well?" Spencer demanded impatiently. The fire in his eyes lit something inside of Derek. Such passion and emotion, although filled with anger, looked so powerful and magnificent on Spencer's usually calm face.

"I don't know how to explain it…" Derek tried. "It'll come out wrong and just cause more problems." Spencer let out a short laugh.

"Humour me." Spencer said coldly, folding his arms over his chest. Derek cleared his throat and shifted nervously.

"All right. I'm just gonna say it, okay? But you can't judge me for it." Derek looked Spencer in the eye, but after getting no response, he continued. "I'm jealous. Of James." Spencer's eyebrows rose in surprise. "I know it's stupid, and I don't know why I'm so jealous, but I think it's because I used to be the only guy in your life, y'know? It was just you and me and even though I was monopolising your attention, I didn't care. We were buddies, Spencer. And now…well now you don't need me anymore because you have James and…well…yeah." Derek finished lamely. He didn't look up to Spencer's eyes, certain he'd find judgement riddled in them; but at the soft hand which was placed on is knee, it forced Derek to look up to the younger man.

"Derek…" Spencer began, smiling softly. "It's okay. I understand. It's just that I had no idea what was causing you to act the way you were. It was driving me insane and it was hurting me so much; I thought that you couldn't tolerate me having a relationship with another male. But…this, no this is workable." Spencer gave Derek a proper smile, a smile Derek hasn't seem in months and he only just noticed how much he missed it. "I promise Derek, I'll never let James get between our friendship, and if you feel that he is, just tell me." Spencer gave Derek's knee an affectionate squeeze. "You're still my best friend, Derek. That doesn't change, ever." Derek smiled at Spencer. He felt at ease with him right now, sitting on the couch, Spencer's hand on his knee. He just wanted to lean his head on the other's shoulder and close his eyes as Spencer's hand rubbed his shoulder.

_Woah_. Derek blinked a few times and internally shook his head. _Where the hell did that come from?_

Spencer was frowning at his watch, completely oblivious to Derek's minor daydream.

"It's later than I thought. I didn't really notice the time when I drove all the way over here…" Spencer looked at Derek sheepishly. "I was just so frustrated, and I needed answers. But now that I've got them, I should head off home." Derek frowned and looked over to the clock which hung on the wall.

"I don't think so, Pretty Boy. It's like 5 in the morning. You're obviously tired, just crash here." Spencer looked around Derek's apartment.

"You don't have a spare bed." He pointed out. Derek shrugged indifferently.

"You take my bed, I'll take the couch. But you're not leaving this apartment tonight."

"We might get called into work tomorrow, and I have no clothes here." Spencer was trying to wriggle his way out of Derek's apartment and he wasn't sure why. Narrowing his eyes at Spencer, Derek asked him, "Is James waiting for you at your place?" Spencer shook his head.

"No, no. I just told him to drop me off home after the club; I needed to be alone and sort through my thoughts. I just don't want to intrude. I have already interrupted your sleep cycle, so you're going to be irritated in the morning and I don't want to add having me looming over your shoulder to that." Derek laughed softly.

"Are you honestly saying that you're afraid of staying the night because I might be grumpy in the morning?" Derek raised his eyebrows. He got all the response he needed in the blush that coloured Spencer's cheeks. "Come on, Pretty Boy. Get your skinny ass into my bed. I'll grab a spare pillow and some sheets and sleep on the couch."

"I can take the couch; it's no big deal, Derek." Spencer tried to protest but it was only met by the snort from Derek.

"Just go to bed, Spencer." Derek shook his head, a faint smile on his face.

"Well at least sleep in the bed with me. I don't move a lot on my sleep, I need my own space when I'm sleeping – James is always complaining that I don't 'cuddle' in bed at night with him." Spencer scrunched his nose distastefully. "There is just no room to breathe that way." Derek laughed, despite the jab in his gut when Spencer started to talk about him and James in bed. "But back to the topic, your bed is definitely big enough for the two of us. I won't have you sleeping on the couch." Spencer tried to make his tone final, but he just didn't pull it off. After a moment of their little standoff, Spencer sighed. "If you don't sleep in your bed with me, I'm going to complain about it for the next week." Spencer challenged. Derek did a double take and looked into Spencer's cocky eyes. Derek knew Spencer could drag on and on about something if he wanted to, and he knew how to make it excruciating for Derek to deal with; he's done it before when Derek didn't put enough sugar in his coffee on purpose to see Spencer's reaction. So Derek could either suck up one night's worth of uncomfortable, or suffer a week's worth of annoying.

Shrugging, Derek followed Spencer to his bedroom. What's the harm, it's not like they're going to have sex or anything.

At that thought, a very interesting image popped into Derek's mind of Spencer's face flushed and his eyelids closed as he arched his back, gripping onto Derek's bed sheets as his mouth opened in a small 'o' shape while Derek thrusted into him.

"Shit." Derek muttered under his breath. _What the fuck is wrong with me? _

"Is everything okay?" Spencer asked as he took off his shirt and pants and climbed into the left side of Derek's bed.

"Uh, yeah, just lost in thought." Derek smiled as he mimicked Spencer's actions and climbed into the right side of the bed. "Night, Spencer." He added, turning the bedside lamp off.

"Goodnight, Derek." Spencer replied, yawning at the end.

Derek lay in the bed; his eyes wide open as the quick image flashed though his mind again.

_No, no, no._ Derek thought firmly._ No, you are not doing this to me. No. Stop._ He told himself firmly. He looked over to Reid's form, he was already knocked out; poor kid was more tired than he let on.

Derek felt wide awake however. He lay on his back, gripping the top of his sheets nervously. _Derek, what are you doing to do?_ He thought to himself. He cast a quick glance over to Spencer again; he had turned on his side, facing Derek, his mouth slightly ajar, his face free of any worry lines. Derek felt an overwhelming urge to run his fingers through Spencer's hair. The second he felt it, he promptly shoved the thought aside and clutched the sheets tighter. _Just ignore it, Derek. You're tired, a little emotional, and not thinking straight. _Derek rolled his eyes at his accidental pun. _Just ignore it. These feelings will go away_.

And with those final thoughts, Derek fell into an uneasy sleep, His brow furrowed and his hands grasping his sheets as if his life depended on it.


	5. When They Have A Case

**Thank you to the wonderful people who reviewed! 'Annber03' I was so delighted to read your review! It means a lot to me that you took the time that you did to write something of that magnitude for this story, so a million thank you's for you!**

**And to everyone who have reviewed and informed me that my English is acceptable, I am thrilled! To me, there is nothing worse than reading a story with poor grammatical structure to it, and I would hate it if that happened to me, but I am glad that I am doing well so far! c:**

**Also, apologies for this chapter being posted so late. I had begun writing this a while ago, but I didn't like the direction it was taking, so I took a few days to think it over and I restarted. I apologise for my complete failure at profiling in this chapter, you'll just have to excuse the fact that I know nothing about victimology and criminal psychology - hopefully it's bearable though! But the case(s) will not be the main factor in this story, it's simply just exhibiting that they still travel around and work on actual cases while all the events of the story are occurring.**

**P.S. If there happen to be a multitude of errors in this chapter, which I don't doubt there are, it's because it is 12:30 am in Australia currently. I have read through the chapter a few times in an attempt to comb out most of the mistakes, however if there are some glaringly obvious ones which remain, please forgive me! **

**All right, enough crapping on from me, I'll let you all go read the new chapter! Enjoy! c:**

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><p>Derek was leaning on his kitchen counter idly sipping at his, now lukewarm, coffee as he daydreamed about the past few days.<p>

He and Spencer finally seemed to be back to the good terms as they had been before everything with James happened. After talking about it as they had a few days ago, things seemed to be okay between the two of them. Well, on the outside things were okay. Derek was still struggling with his own internal battles, the main one being the strange and reoccurring feelings and sensations he was having which seemed to central around the younger man. It confused and frustrated Derek to no end; on one evening he could fantasise about screwing Spencer into oblivion, but on the next, he would find himself daydreaming about what it would be like to caress and kiss Spencer, and run his hands all over what looked like to be silky smooth skin.

The frustration was sexual; and Derek couldn't seem to find any suitable female acquaintances to satisfy his dry spell, and after the second _extremely_ embarrassing evening where he couldn't even get it up properly, he gave up on female partners all together. Derek was by no means ready or willing to admit he found the male gender sexually attractive, because it wasn't the male gender which he found sexually attractive, it was just one male; _Spencer_.

Now, sexual attraction, he could control. That wasn't the main problem. Sure, it was extremely inconvenient, and it had taken him many sleepless nights after Spencer's little sleepover for Derek to accept he was sexually attracted to him, but that wasn't the biggest issue.

It was the _other_ side to it; the side where Derek found himself staring at Spencer's lips when he talked. The side where Derek would feel a flutter of excitement about going to work, because he would see Spencer there. The side where Derek's whole day would turn upside down just by the slightest thing Spencer did. The side where Derek's heart would skip a beat when Spencer would smile, especially if he smiled at him.

The side where it seemed dangerously close to…

_No._ Derek shook his head and placed down his cold, half full coffee mug. _Don't even think about it. Don't even put the idea in your head, because the second you start thinking of 'The L Word' we're packing and moving to fucking Japan._

Derek sighed and rubbed his temple, a habit he'd picked up from Hotch. _I am so fucking screwed. I am so done._

The vibration of his phone in his pocket brought his attention back to the present.

_Derek, where are you? –S_

Blinking in confusion Derek checked the time and swore loudly, grabbed his keys and sprinted to his car and almost sped his way to the Bureau.

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><p>"Sorry I'm late," Derek huffed as he pranced into the conference room. "I was caught up in a few things." He met Hotch's eyes evenly and after a moment of silence Hotch gave him a curt nod and Derek sat down as Garcia began.<p>

"Okay chickadees now we're all here," Penelope turned to the screen and put up the first slide. "Meet 25 year old Cassie Browne, an exchange student from Russia studying in New York for a year who went missing last month, January 20th." Penelope changed the slides as she tried, and failed, to hide her slightly disgusted face as the next image appeared. "She was found on the 27th, a week later, tortured, stabbed, and raped with a…curling iron." JJ and Alex grimaced at the last piece of information as Penelope continued. "It wasn't on, thank God, but the ME says it was done multiple times."

"Probably sexually inept, seeing as she was both stabbed and raped with an object." Rossi noted.

"Any significance with the curling iron perhaps?" Alex questioned. "Maybe somebody was expressing hatred for the objectification of women? Are there similar cases?" Alex asked Penelope.

"Which brings us to victim number two, Stephanie Thomas, 24; born and raised in New York, went out clubbing with a small group of friends and left with a guy who she'd met that night. Police questioned the man, but ruled him out as a suspect. His story was that on their way to his place she demanded he stop the car and let her out. He did and police found him on security footage at a local pub 10 minutes later." Penelope had switched screens so Stephanie's image was viewed by all of the team members.

"Dark hair, blue eyes, same as the last vic." Spencer said. "Clearly has a type."

"But he doesn't restrict himself to travellers from overseas, that part doesn't mean as much to him as the looks do." Derek added

"She was also found on the 3rd of February, tortured and stabbed like Cassie, but this time raped with a T.V. remote." Garcia supplied, flicking to the next slide. "She disappeared the same day as Cassie was found."

"So he doesn't take another until he disposes of the previous." Hotch mused. "What about the dumping grounds?"

"Both victims were fully clothed, not in the same clothes they were last seen in, and seated on benches in small, unpopular parks."

"Obvious signs of remorse." JJ said. "But it could also be some part of his signature."

Garcia flicked to the next slide. "Latest victim, Jessica Tempress, who has just turned 25. Went missing on the third, her room-mate said she left for her routine evening jog and never returned. She looks basically identical to the other two women." Garcia noted with a sigh as she flicked the screen again. "With every woman, there seems to be no leads, just missing women and new victims."

"Well if this guy is sticking to his schedule, we only have a day before he kills his current victim and takes another. We have to get to New York immediately, and try to start working up some sort of profile on the plane. Wheels up in 20."

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><p>"Damn." Derek shook his head as he stared sadly at the latest victim, Jessica Tempress. The team had been up all night trying to figure something out, but they had been out of luck. It seemed it had all happened too fast when one of the officers came up to the team and informed them that her body had been found.<p>

She was fully clothed, as the previous two victims were, and seated on a deserted park bench, almost as if she was enjoying the early morning sunshine on her cold, dead skin.

"Cover her up." Derek said to the ME. She deserved more than to be gawked at by the passing people, having photos snapped of her from civilian cameras.

With a new found passion, and a new missing woman, the team worked furiously to try and figure out this guy's location. Spencer had drawn up a geographic profile, and the whole team had presented a pretty solid one to the NYPD. But it was nearing the second night since the team have had any sleep, and everybody was more irritable than normal.

"Okay, let's all check into our motels. We're no use to anyone in this state. We'll work better tomorrow when we've rested." Hotch said, and everybody mumbled agreements and packed up their belongings.

Sometimes the team is lucky, and they're able to each have a room to themselves. But other times, like tonight, they all have to buddy up. The buddy system is pretty much drawn up without any discussion. JJ and Alex are automatically paired up, and Hotch and Rossi seem to have an unspoken agreement to always be paired up, which always, _always_, leaves Spencer and Derek to share a room.

Pulling off his shirt and pants, Derek basically collapsed onto his side of the double bed face first. He struggled to find the strength to lift the sheets over his half naked body, but after prodding and poking from Spencer, Derek grumbled a couple of curse words, pulled the sheets over his torso, and fell into a dreamless sleep.

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><p>It was well into the night when Derek awoke, fully aware and pleasantly warm. His eyes remained firmly shut as he huddled further into his unnaturally warm cover. When his cover lightly moaned at his actions however, he froze, eyes snapping open.<p>

It took him half a minute to adjust to the complete blackness which engulfed him, but when he did he could clearly see the silhouette of Spencer tucked comfortably into Derek's side, his arm wrapped around Derek's naked torso, his head resting on Derek's shoulder.

He felt his breathing increase exponentially, as a thousand scenarios popped into his head all at once, the sweeter and more loving ones confusing and terrifying Derek more than the steamy and sexual ones. When Spencer let out a soft whisper of air, it sent a trail of goose bumps and chills through Derek's chest which was so overwhelming that he didn't even catch what Spencer had whispered.

"_Please._" Spencer whispered again, this time clear enough so Derek could pick up on it. "I _need_ you."

"_Holy fucking shit."_ Derek whispered under his breath as he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to think of anything, _anything_, apart from the possibility of Spencer having a sex dream not only while Derek was awake and listening, but while Spencer was pressing his whole body against Derek's. "I have to get out of here." Derek whispered to himself as he continued to listen to Spencer's whispered nothings which were slowly turning him on.

Carefully, but swiftly, Derek untangled the two bodies and slipped out of bed. He felt wide awake, and while he didn't have a raging hard-on which needed to be tended to, he was definitely awake and aroused.

Refusing to masturbate in the bathroom with Spencer in the room next to him, Derek chucked on a pair of pants, grabbed a key card and left the motel room as quickly and quietly as he could manage.

_I need coffee._ Derek thought desperately. He glanced at the clock on the wall in the hall and saw it was nearing 2am. There was still a long while to go till they had to be at the PD again, but Derek knew there was no chance he was falling asleep any time soon.

When he left the motel, the cool air hit him hard, causing tiny bumps to rise all over the top half of his body. He cursed himself for forgetting to grab a shirt, and momentarily considered going back to grab one but shuddered at the thought of Spencer groaning in his sleep and continued on outside to find a 24 hour coffee shop.

Finding one at long last, he was surprised to find Rossi sitting at the booth, sipping a coffee himself.

"Derek, what are you doing here?" He asked when Derek approached him, his eyes alight with curiosity.

"Couldn't sleep." Derek grumbled, ordering himself a coffee. Dave hummed in agreement.

"The case been keeping you up, too?" He asked with understanding laced in his words. Derek felt a pang of guilt at not having the thought of the latest missing woman, Victoria Bridges, cross his mind once since being awake.

"No, not the case…" Derek trailed off as he took a sip of the burning liquid which had just been placed in front of him. He licked his lips as the coffee burnt them in an attempt to sooth the burn. "More my room-mate." Derek admitted after about 20 seconds.

"Spencer?" Dave asked, as if Derek could possibly have another person he was sharing a room with. "What happened?" Derek shifted uncomfortably in his chair as he contemplated telling Rossi what had happened. On one hand, it could be helpful, talking it out with someone. But on the other, he could reveal far more than he wanted to. "Hey, you don't have to share if you don't want to. But I'm always here to listen if you need me to." Dave smiled and placed his right hand on Derek's left shoulder. Derek nodded his head in thanks, and they sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, sipping their coffee and thinking through their own thoughts.

"Spencer was…making noises in his sleep." Derek finally admitted. Dave turned his head in interest at Derek's statement, and waited patiently for him to continue. "I woke up and he was almost…_spooning_ me, and he was, well, mumbling and moaning in his sleep." Derek hated how he could feel the blush creeping up his neck and spreading onto his cheeks.

"And that made you uncomfortable?" Dave asked him with raised eyebrows. Derek shifted in his seat again.

"Kind of, I mean, yeah, it did, but it's just…thoughts…" Derek took another drink of coffee, staring straight ahead and unable to continue, but Dave figured out what Derek was attempting to communicate with complete ease.

"I see." Dave said with a slight smile, entertainment laced in his tone.

"No, I don't think you do." Derek grumbled.

"No, I really think I do." Dave assured. He studied as Derek's facial expression morphed from confusion, to shock, to absolute mortification. Dave smiled and shook his head at the younger agent, having to say something before Derek started to change colours. "Don't worry, Derek, you're secret it safe with me. Well, me and Alex." Dave watched as Derek obviously fought with his emotions, trying to figure out the best way to react to the news that both Rossi and Blake knew about his undetermined attraction for Spencer. "Relax, we're not spreading it around the bureau, it's just been something we idly mention to each other every once in a while, long before you outed Spencer at lunch." Derek frowned at that, after all, how could they have speculated over something which hadn't even become apparent to Derek until several days ago?

The conversation didn't continue though, partly because Derek didn't know what to say, and because Dave had nothing left to say. It was approaching quarter to three in the morning when Derek got a message from Spencer, asking his where he was.

"Well, I better go." Derek announced, putting the money for the coffee under the coffee mug. He stood up and looked over to Rossi who seemed to be staring out into space. "Rossi? Dave?" At the call of his first name, he turned around and looked expectantly at Derek. "I'm going." He re-announced.

"Oh, sure thing. I'm probably going to leave soon also. I'll talk to you later." Dave nodded his head to Derek and turned back around to face the counter, lost in his thoughts again. Shrugging, Derek began walking back to the motel room, again cursing and wishing to himself that he had brought a shirt with him. The cold was really biting him in the ass.


	6. When He Confesses

**Hello! First off, I have to apologise for how late this has been posted; I have just been bombarded by assignments and home commitments and I've been writing this chapter in small bits throughout the past two weeks. I'm frustrated with myself for not updating sooner, and I will be putting more of an effort in consistency with these chapters from now on!**

**Shoutouts to Annber03 for another wonderful review! And also to Ordinarymistake for the PM. You are lovely to talk to, and thank you for the messages :) xx**

**I hope this chapter was worth the wait!**

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><p>"Damn." Derek sighed as he slouched on the couch in the jet, closing his eyes with a frown. "That…"<p>

"I know." Alex said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "But we did everything we could. You know that." Derek nodded his head. The case had put more of a toll on his mind than normal, it was stressful and he felt like he hadn't slept the past four days. They felt like they had made a breakthrough with the case when the medical examiner found skin samples under Jessica Tempress' fingernails. They got a hit on the DNA, some loser with a list of priors the length of the Nile, and prepared for a raid on his rundown 'house', if it could even be called that. The paint was peeling and chipped, overgrown weeds tangled into a jungle on his front lawn and there seemed to be a few tiles which were missing from his roof. The place had stunk of rotten souls and forgotten food, and Derek swore he could still smell it even as he sat in the pristine jet. Making their way through the cramped house, garbage piling along the walls, they found where Jonathan Fray had been keeping his victims for the week.

For a moment, Derek had met the eyes of Victoria Bridges, and her eyes widened in hope, he swore he saw a tear fall down her cheek when she realised someone had finally come for her; that her nightmare was almost over. Derek thought, had her mouth not been sealed with duct tape, she would have cried out in complete and utter relief.

It had happened so quickly, Derek thought emptily as he mentally recounted the few minutes which felt like mere seconds. Fray pulled a gun out, from where, Derek wasn't too sure as his attention had been momentarily held by the silently pleading woman, bound by grimy and bloody ropes.

Derek remembers Hotch's calm voice trying to talk Fray down, to convince him to put down the gun. He had barely listened to a word Hotch spoke however, because before anybody from the team could react, he blasted a bullet straight through Victoria's temple. Derek fired at Fray, but a second too late. Because when Fray collapsed on the ground, clutching his shoulder blade in agony, Victoria was staring blankly straight through Derek's soul; a trace of her fallen tear still settled on her cheek.

Right now, Derek wanted nothing more than to close his eyes and forget it all happened. _Not like that will happen,_ Derek thought to himself, y_ou know you're gonna have nightmares for a while after this._

"Morgan?" Derek opened his eyes to meet the questioning ones of Dr Reid. Derek felt like Spencer had just asked him a question, but he couldn't remember it; although having a pretty good idea what it was.

"I'm fine, Reid." Derek sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Just…I just need to collect my thoughts for a few minutes. I just need to be alone." Having closed his eyes, Derek didn't see the small, sad nod which Spencer replied with before he walked a few seats over and making himself comfortable in the chair before the jet took off.

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><p>Hotch had sent everyone home the second they landed, assuring them all that the paper work could wait till Monday. Derek sighed in time with the rest of the team in relief, all of them needing a couple of days to recover emotionally and physically from the last few days.<p>

Not remembering the drive home, or how he ended up in his bed, clothes tossed to the side, the last conscious thought Derek had was the face of Victoria, staring helplessly at him; an image which Derek was sure was going to be burnt into his irises for the rest of his life.

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><p><em>The phone. That's what woke me up<em>. Derek groaned and rolled over in his bed. Not that he had been having a pleasant dream, but it's just that Derek wasn't entirely sure he had the energy left in his muscles to life his arm to answer his mobile which was trilling loudly on his bedside table.

"Morgan." He hardly mumbled his eyes never opened as he answered his phone, going into the conversation blind as to who woke him up.

"Derek. It's Spencer." The sound of Spencer's unsure and soft voice woke Derek up like a bucket of cold water had been splashed all over his naked body.

"Hey man, is everything all right?" Derek asked, concern lacing his words, his dream almost completely forgotten.

"Yes. Well, no, not exactly. See I had been contemplating whether I should call you or not, I know you are probably the most affected by this last case but I just didn't know who else to call…" Spencer rambled and Derek could sense Spencer was chewing his lip.

"Spencer, just tell me what happened." Derek said, prompting Spencer as he sat up in his bed, rubbing his eyes.

"James and I…we had an argument." Derek heard Spencer take in two deep breaths of air and waited patiently for the younger man to continue. "I…it was…I'm not quite sure how it escalated so quickly. One moment we were talking about the case and then the next he was yelling at me because he never sees me. I tried, Derek, I tried to explain to him that it was part of my job and that it takes me places but he said he wasn't sure how much more he could take of it." The line went quiet for a few moments, while Spencer gathered his bearings and Derek tried to figure out what to say. "Morgan?"

"Yeah, I'm still here. Jeeze, kid, that doesn't sound too good." Derek chewed on the inside of his cheek and furrowed his eyebrows, not particularly happy about being put in the position of having to give relationship advice to Spencer; but at the same time, there was a warm feeling spreading through his stomach that Spencer chose to come to Derek in his time of need. "When did you guys argue?"

"James left my apartment about twenty minutes ago." Spencer said quietly. "He was so mad, I don't understand why." The dejected tone in Spencer's voice cut something deeper in Derek than he thought it would. He responded without thinking it through, the only thought in his mind was that he needed to stop the pain in his chest which was caused by Spencer's pain.

"Hold on, I'll be there soon."

"Really?" A small voice spoke up, and Derek could almost picture the small, hopeful smile playing at the corners of Spencer's lips.

"Yeah, I'll be right over. Then we can talk about this." Just as Derek was hanging up, he caught Spencer's last words of the conversation, "Thanks, Derek. Seriously." Then the line went dead.

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><p>Derek had barely finished knocking when Spencer opened the door. His appearance slightly dishevelled and it was clear to him that Spencer had been crying at some point. Spencer opened the door wider and allowed Derek into the younger man's apartment, trying to keep his eyes away from Spencer's bare torso, but no matter how hard he tried, he always seemed to be catching glimpses of it in his peripheral vision.<p>

Spencer slumped on his couch and frowned, looking up to Derek with a saddened expression which broke Derek's heart. It perplexed the older man, how much Spencer's emotions effected his own, but at that moment the only thing he could really think or care about was making Spencer happier again, seeing that smile which used to grace his face so easily when they spent time together. Derek missed that smile; not as if it wasn't present any more but that it wasn't present because of _him _any more. It was present because of James, because James was the one making Spencer happy.

"So has he called yet?" Derek asked, breaking the silence. Spencer responded by shaking his head and Derek sat there, trying to figure out what he wanted to say. _What do you want to say?_ His subconscious asked him. _You want him to be happy, but you don't want him to be happy with somebody other than you._ Derek frowned at that thought. Would he honestly jeopardise his best friend's chance at a long and happy future for his selfish desires? "Just give it some time." Derek finally suggested. "He's probably tired, exhausted, and he misses you. It's hard for us, doing the job we do, not entirely sure if we'll make it home before the case is over. But it must be even harder for the people who love us." Derek looked away from Spencer's searching gaze, instead looking at his fingers in his lap. Frowning slightly to himself, he continued, "James obviously cares for you a lot. It must be so hard for him to wait around at home, wondering if you'll ever come back. But, Spencer, he does care. Maybe more than you think; and he doesn't want to lose you."

"You think so?" Spencer asked quietly. Derek slowly raised his head and looked at Spencer and smiled.

"Yeah, I do." Derek watched as Spencer's lips turned upwards into a smile; although small, it brought this lightness to the younger man's eyes which evoked this deep emotion in Derek's gut. The most pleasant feeling, it was nothing like Derek had ever felt before. It shed a light on a part of Derek's emotions which only showed when he was around Spencer. An overwhelming urge to envelop Spencer in his arms felt almost too powerful to ignore. Almost. "I bet he misses that smile." Derek said softly without thinking. Spencer's eyes widened the smallest bit as he listened to Derek. "When he sees it, it probably brightens his day." Derek continued quietly, in a voice so low Spencer had to lean forwards to catch his words. "After a long day at work, I think the thing he looks most forward to when he comes home is that he can see that smile again."

The blush that coloured Spencer's cheeks had a strange effect on Derek. A hot, melting feeling which began in his chest spread throughout his body, tingling at his lips which urged to be pressed against, what Derek was sure would be, the soft satin-like lips of Spencer.

They sat in a dangerous silence for a minute or two; their eyes locked together, each trying to figure out what the other was thinking. Derek found his control slowly slipping as his imagination began getting out of control. He just wanted to touch Spencer, to feel his heartbeat under his hand, to feel his short gasp as Derek kissed his neck, to feel his back arch as Derek's hands wandered lower, his fingers ghosting their way down Spencer's torso…

Clearing his throat, Derek broke the spell which had somehow been cast upon the two men. Getting up, Derek got himself a glass of water to cool his burning insides. Taking a few deep breaths before he walked back to where Spencer sat on the couch, he had to call the younger man's name a few times before Spencer snapped out of his pensive state.

"Sorry." Spencer shook his head and looked up to Derek, smiling softly. "Just thinking." Derek wondered for a moment what Spencer was thinking about, but then decided he wasn't sure if he wanted to know. Spencer continued however, not seeming to care if Derek wanted to hear his next words. "It's just, ironic I guess." Spencer's small laugh confused Derek, who was slowly sitting down next to Spencer again, placing his glass on the coffee table.

"What?" Derek asked almost afraid to know, but his curiosity got the better of him.

"Just that…if you had said what you just said to me a few months before…I'm not sure I would have been able to resist kissing you right there and then." Derek was sure his heart had stopped. He wasn't breathing and his eyes were wide as he tried to figure out what the hell Spencer meant. Reading Derek's reaction the wrong way, Spencer continued quickly, "not that I would! I was just saying how I used to have the biggest crush on you, that's all." Spencer's anxiety levels were visibly growing as Derek's face seemed to be permanently moulded in an expression of shock. "I, oh no, I didn't mean for you to panic. Derek?" Spencer's hand on Derek's arm shocked the older man into the present moment, his mind working in overdrive as he tried to figure out what the hell had just happened.

_Spencer liked me? He…wanted to kiss me? Spencer…Spencer…wanted to kiss me..?_

The oddest feeling washed over Derek like a tsunami wave. It was crushing, he felt like he was suffocating under an invisible weight that he couldn't push off his chest. His heart was beating rapidly and Derek wasn't completely sure that he wasn't hyperventilating. He couldn't control his reaction, but even more frightening, he couldn't figure out where it had come from. Spencer continued on, trying to comfort Derek, seeing the older man obviously over thinking things.

"It was a long time ago, Derek." Spencer rushed his words out, his eyes widened desperately, trying to rush into damage control, not wanting their friendship to be ruined over a stupid slip of a secret he swore he's never tell anyone, especially Derek. "Trust me; I don't feel that way about you any more, I have James now. There is no reason to get upset about it, please Derek, I promise I don't harbour anymore of those feeling towards you. I swear."

Spencer's words, even though they were obviously meant to comfort Derek, had to opposite effect on the man. Spencer's words cut something deep within Derek, opened this vault of emotion he didn't know he had. This feeling…it was worse than anything he had experienced towards the younger man before. It was worse than the unwarranted sexual attraction, worse than the unexplained romantic feelings, even worse than the blinding jealousy he felt when he thought of James and Spencer together.

This feeling…it crushed Derek and he wasn't sure how he suddenly felt so empty and hurt at once. How suddenly after Spencer's words of 'comfort' Derek felt like his life had been emptied of all emotion, only to be replaced with a heart eating, soul crushing sadness.

_I don't feel that way about you any more._

Derek shook his head and looked into Spencer's imploring eyes, those desperate eyes which were grasping at the fibres of their friendship, trying to hold it together at the seams.

"It…it's fine." Derek said slowly, knowing as he spoke each word how much of a lie it was. "Just a shock I guess, I wasn't expecting that." Derek laughed nervously and rubbed his forehead. "Sorry, I didn't mean to react like that." As Derek said each word, he felt a façade slowly fall into place. "I think I'm still a little wired after that case, you know?" Spencer nodded, his eyes searching through Derek's soul, trying to find any reason to doubt Derek's words. If the younger man had found any, he didn't say anything about it. "Seriously, I am sorry." Derek was surprised how easily the smile came to his face, even though he felt like his entire existence was crumbling into dust inside of him. "Do you wanna drink? I can stay for a few hours, keep you company. I know you're still upset about James." Spencer shook his head.

"No, I mean, thank you for the offer, but I think we're both exhausted after the week we've had." Agreeing, Derek stood up and made his way to the door.

"I hope I helped." Derek said over his shoulder as he opened the door. "Give James a call tomorrow, I guarantee he'll be sorry about your argument." Spencer nodded, but didn't move from his spot on the couch, his eyes trained on Derek as the older man stood at the front door. "James doesn't strike me as a stupid guy, Spencer; and he'd have to be an absolute idiot to let someone like you slip through his fingers." Spencer didn't respond, just smiled softly. "Well, talk to you later." Derek gave him a small wave before closing the door.

He was able to walk about 20 steps before he fell against the corridor, his back sliding down the wall as he put his head in his hands. Derek felt like his whole world had come crashing upon him, he was positive it was hurting his lungs to breathe. He was positive his heart was shattering with every beat it pumped.

_I have James now._

Somehow dealing with unrequited feelings was a lot easier to handle than dealing with the reality that he could have had Spencer had he risen to the opportunity. The truth that he had been the one who had let Spencer slip through his fingers broke every cell in his body.

Derek hated that his flame of desire had gotten so out of control that it burnt him right in the heart. He hated that he had let himself get so caught up in his world of Spencer that the other things in his life had lost their priority. He hated that he allowed himself to be put in this position where he was undeniably in the most pain he'd ever been in before in his life.

But most of all, he hated Spencer.

Derek laughed bitterly to himself as he heaved himself off the cold tiled floor. Who was he kidding, he didn't hate Spencer. He never could, even if he wanted to, even if it would be so much easier to deal with.

He didn't hate Spencer.

He loved him.

And that love is what has broken his heart.


End file.
